X BOX ALLEY
This weathered sign I found in a pile of wood brought back a flood of memories, good, bad and ugly as a parent raising a teen boy.
I was in a phase of wood burning everyones hobbies on old wood. I was not very good at it as this “amazing” piece of art proves, but it was fun!
I had created a sign for the hobby of each person in the family. A few had gone missing after years in the pile of rubble but X BOX survived!
No one in our family regardless of age was even mildly interested in video games but Bob, our youngest son was all over it!
I was losing my mind because I just simply did not understand the intricacies and importance, yes, I said it, importance of video games to many teens. Hind sight being what it is I wanted to share this wild ride for other parents dealing with the same struggles!
A timeline best tells the tale!
Age 12 X Box was so much fun for Bob
Age 14 X Box was more important than food!
Age 15 X Box was his favorite downtime activity with friends & it drove me nuts!
Age 16 Bob got a job, and purchased the upgraded version of X Box that we as parents refused to purchase
Age 18 Bob asked to take it to college. It was a flat NO from us as his parents because we knew what a distraction it could be.
Age 19 Returning from college the X Box remained untouched. Bob said it was too isolating to sit in the computer room and never see the family. WHAT? Did I hear that right? I did!
Age 20 Bob currently majors in data analytics / minor in computer science , is a law abiding citizen ( to the best of my knowledge!) and still loves video games and plays them while at college! Silly me thought leaving the X Box at home would stop college gaming! When there’s a will there’s a way!
The GOOD, the BAD , the UGLY
GOOD
- Video game time CAN be good!
- Video games can be strategic
- Vidoe games can be family events
- Video games are true downtime and stress relief for teens
- Video games can be a social life line as we saw with COVID 19
BAD
- You WILL have to be the BAD guy at times
- Like all things with teens, limits must be set, boundaries must be set and as a parent you must remain consistent on the rules.
- It’s time-consuming and exhausting to monitor the games your teens are playing.
- The real challenge I faced as a mom was, WHO were they playing.
- There are unfortunalty some BAD people on the other end of the game
UGLY
- I am not proud to admit it to others but I lost my cool occasionally! It was not pretty as heated agruments did occur! Surprising I know – parent and teen arguing!
- Arguments did occur because I did not understand how Bob could love video games so much when we live in an area of outdoor paradise. Bob did not understand my reasons for the limitations and boundaries.
- As parents of teens we have all faced levels of frustration to where we turn into the meanest video game character ever!
- The struggle was real from about age 14-17
Just say NO
Remember when Andy told Buzz Lightyear … YOU ARE A TOY!
Well I am reminding you that …YOU ARE THE PARENT!
You make the rules. You most likely pay the bills for phones, game consoles, lap tops and the like.
- We would not buy Bob the upgrade to the XBOX so he got a job and paid for it himself.
- Did we still set limits on his upgrade at age 16? Oh yes we did!
- Did Bob argue that he paid for the X Box so he can play as long as he wants? Oh yes he did.
- Did we give in as parents? On NO we didn’t.
We never let our boys have any type of screens in their bedrooms. That meant no TVs, no Video games, and no computers.
They got pre paid trac phones in high school once they were driving and made a sports team, club, band etc. They also had to pay for the pre paid trac phone to limit the use of the phone for what it was meant for…call or text your parents or a friend if needed and that’s it! Yes, we were strict.
For their 18th birthday we bought them a smart phone knowing thier world functions daily on one as young adults ; young adults being the right to passage to a smart phone from our perspective.
Was setting limits, monoitring, explaining the reasoning behind our rules and saying NO exhausting? Absolutely exhausting but so worth it. Strong coffee and a nice wine bar helped us along this journey too I must admit!
TAKE A BREATH MOM & DAD
Most likely your teens grey matter will not turn to mush playing video games and guess what? Your teen is going to turn out fine.
I wish other parents would have assured me that Bob was going to turn out with all of his brian cells in tact and be a productive young adult! Maybe I would have stressed less?
Just like I wish some mom would have told me to bring maternity pants to the hopsital AFTER giving birth to my first son! I thought I would wear my “old” jeans home!
We need to talk more as parents to get us over the hurdles of parent thood!
I will never understand the attraction of video games but I have tried a few with my son. He appreciates my effort but doesn’t like to play me because I am so bad at it!
Yesterday was Mother’s day and Bob, at age 20 hugged me and thanked me for being a good mom…but a terrible gamer! I’ll take that!
My fav Current Resources for parents:
I am no expert in this field except through personal parental battlefield experience. Here are a few experts that I do follow, and you may find them useful too.
- https://www.cyberwise.org/ Digital Wellness for Families
- https://www.healthyscreenhabits.org/ Healthy Screen habits for Famlies
Thanks for reading. As always, spend some simple time with your teen…
Conni, Founder STL
PS : My son’s name is not Bob. I used it to protect the innocent!