Conni's Corner -Why did you buy that smartphone?

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By stladmin blog mental health smartphone teens October 9, 2023

Before I get started on my very firm opinion on a very hot topic, please know that the intent of this blog is not to pass judgement on how you parent your teens ages 12-17. It is simply a method to raise awareness concerning the dangers of the smartphone.

Please don’t waste my time!

Time is a gift. I do not want to waste your time so let me tell you up front the point of the blog.

SMARTPHONES are one of the biggest distractions in the life of your teen.
Smartphones give parents a false sense of safety.
Simply Stated: Teens should not have a smartphone until age 18.

Let me help you to decide if this blog is worth your time to read. Which statement below best describes you?

You are READY for your teen to ditch the smartphone. Keep reading!
You are CURIOUS about the idea of an alternative! Keep reading!
You are CERTAIN that a smartphone is the best choice for your teen. This blog might not be the best use of your time.

If you don’t read any further, I encourage you to watch the video below. It’s one of the most informative videos I’ve seen concerning the dangers of smartphones.

Smartphones: It’s Time to Confront Our Global Addiction | Dr. Justin Romano | TEDxOmaha – YouTube

Guest speaker on a hot topic

I was recently invited to speak at the Entrusted Conference as a panel member in Yorktown, VA. Entrusted is an east coast conference to encourage and connect kinship, foster and adoptive parents.

Topic: Teens, Technology, and social media
Audience: Foster, biological, and adoptive parents, and other caring adults.

I was so excited to be a part of this panel discussion. Listening as POTs (Parents of Teens) shared stories about monitoring their teen’s smartphone daily, I found my excitement turn to concern. One word came to my mind: EXHAUSTION. The daily digital chase of monitoring a smartphone is an exhausting labor of love for POTs in 2023!

One mom shared her struggles at the Entrusted Conference discussion session:

“No matter how hard I try,

my teen is still able to find a way around me on this phone.”

Literally watching her shoulders slump in defeat was heartbreaking. POTs are fighting an invisible enemy. The smartphone is like the “Predator” in the Arnold Schwarzenegger movies, invisible and dangerous.

What are parents monitoring?

Here is just a sample of what parents monitor on their teen’s smartphones usually at night.

Websites visited
Social media profile and path
Apps and games played and/or purchased
Teens phone calls records and/or messages
Track the daily locations of teen with smartphone

Remember Christmas Eve, when your kids believed in Santa? You put toys together into the wee hours of the morning while the kids were asleep. Remember that feeling of your kids so safe under one roof all cozy? Life was so simple then.

Fast forward 10 years. You are still up in the wee hours of the morning , but no longer putting toys together. You are monitoring the path of your teen’s “toy”, the smartphone, trying your best to give them the gift of safety that was once so simple.

Is any of this ringing true for you?

Do you monitor your teens digital journey on the smartphone daily?

Personally I never monitored my teens smartphone. Why?

My boys did not get a smartphone until their 18^th birthday.

Professionally as a high school teacher I witnessed firsthand the change in lifestyle for teens. COVID lockdowns did enhance the usage of a smartphone but it it is not to blame. Smartphones took their world by storm long BEFORE the pandemic. I did not like what I saw.

Grades dropping
Effects of cyberbullying,
Total distraction and true addiction
Youtube/streaming movies during class,
Parents calling teens to talk literally during class time
Daily gossip via the smartphones destroying reputations too fast to know what even happened
Teen’s communicating face to face was becoming a thing of the past long BEFORE the pandemic.

After seeing these changes, I was determined that our boys, still in middle school at the time, would not own a smartphone. Our core values as a family did not revolve around screens.

Full transparency:

My boys did not have a smartphone but an alternative. At age 15 my boys started to stay after school more for clubs, practice and part time jobs. We wanted them to have a safe way to communicate with us but not with the smartphone for all of the reasons I will discuss.

Honestly, walkie talkies crossed my mind for a brief minute, as I remembered those simple days on their bikes with walkies in their hands feeling so independent at age eight!

I told myself…

**“Conni, cut the cord,“ but stay strong on my terms as the parent.**

So, we bought a dirt cheap, bare bones, prepaid Trac phone. Upgraded walkies more or less! We wanted to direct their free time towards more physical and worthwhile activities other than doom scrolling and getting caught up in social media. The trac phone was a tool and nothing more.

So…why did you buy that smart phone anyway?

Check out the answers to this question from the audience of the Teen, Tech & Social Media discussion.

Safety – #1 number reason parents bought the smartphone
Convenience
Communication
Emergency Help
Social interaction
Learn responsibility
Entertainment & Hobby
Peer Pressure and FOMO
Accessibility to assist their teens with disabilities

Do you really think your teens are safe by having a smartphone? Think again.

Award-winning Bark Phone has a monitoring tool that scans for texts, emails, social media, and apps and other digital dangers such as:

cyberbullying,
sexual content,
online predators,
depression,
suicidal ideation,
threats of violence
as well as texts, email,YouTube,30+ apps f

If you have to monitor a device that can expose your teen to any of these things, it is safe to say that the smartphone does not keep your teen safe!

Social and Emotional Mental health challenges

Let’s not forget to add to the list these potential dangers from a smartphone.

Sexting
Anxiety
Cyberbullying
Digital addiction
Online predators
Self-esteem issues
Interrupts family time
Lack of face-to-face social skills
Exposure to Inappropriate content
Peer Pressure to conform for a certain image on SM

THE BIG QUESTIONs!

What if my teen hates me when I take their smartphone?

Don’t kid yourself. Of course, your teen will hate you, at least for a short time.

If you decide to make this switch from smartphone to an alternative device, explain to your teen why you are doing it. Let them know that they did nothing wrong and it’s not a punishment. Remember that for every hour your teen is not on their smartphone is an hour they can be doing something else more productive and relaxing while avoiding social media drama.

Did my teens give me grief about not having a smartphone? Of course, they did but once they realized I was not going to budge, they eventually found other reasons to dislike me. Thankfully teens tend to space out their distaste for their parents.

So how do you just take the smartphone away? There is no one size fits all answer to that question. Remember one thing. You ARE the parent. So be strong parents and make the change.

What’s holding you back?

Do you trust your teen?

I bet you do. It’s the creeps prowling on the internet that you do not trust.

You try to control your teens daily access to inappropriate content on the smartphone using monitoring apps. You want to lock out all of the creeps, predators, porn, bullying, and toxic people from your tweens and teens. Invisible predators and destructive information are just waiting for your tweens and teens to engage despite your valiant efforts as a good parent.

Do you still need convincing to exchange that smartphone for an alternative cellular device?

Final ThoughT

Yes, it’s fair to note that smartphones are not inherently harmful. They can offer opportunities for social connections, learning, entertainment and digital hobbies. However, the negative effects on our teens physical, social and mental health continues to be documented.

There are alternatives. There are cellular devices that do not have the far-reaching access of the toxic side of the internet while keeping the lines of communication open with friends and family.

Your teens are at an age where they think they know everything
POTs ,you are at an age where some days you feel like you don’t know anything about raising a teen.
but you do know one thing.
You want what is best for your teen and the internet DOES NOT!

As a modern society we continue to purchase smartphones for our teens; the very device that is a major player in this social, emotional, physical and mental health crisis teens are facing. I can hear Alanis Morissette singing at this point “Isn’t it Ironic”

Smartphone alternatives

Here are some alternative cellular devices with different prices, limitations on access to the internet and apps.
Please note that I am NOT sponsored by or endorsing any product mentioned in this blog. These are suggestions from many conversations with the parents of teens at the Entrusted Conference August 2023.

https://gabb.com/

https://www.bark.us/

https://troomi.com/

https://www.tracfone.com/

https://techless.com/products/wisephone