Do you remember when YOU were a teen?
I was once a teen… then I had my own teens…I taught over 2000 teens…and I survived raising teens…safe to say I love teens
What have I learned about teens in all my experience?
- Their open minds, energy, welcoming hearts and ideologies are contagious
- They really do want attention and love from their parents
However, there is one universal problem with teens.
Parents have a hard time talking with their teens at times! But I have a simple solution!
- I have a solution, a secret weapon to get your teens to talk with you. It’s fun, effective and no therapy or money is needed! Sound too good to be true?
- Parents of teens do you want to strengthen your relationship with your teen?
- All you have to do is … Remember when you were a teen.
- “Remember when” strung together are two powerful words evoking nostalgia.
- “Remember when” allows parents of teens to travel back in time.
- It helps us consider different generational perceptions of shared experiences.
SHARE & COMPARE
It’s simple. Just think back to your time as a teenager riding on that struggle bus with all its ups and downs. A relatable teenage memory comes to your mind . You share it with your teen and compare how times have changed yet stayed the same. Span the generation gap with simple memories.
How NOT to Share and Compare
- The key to success of building a better relationship is not so simple as share and compare.
- BE CAREFUL HOW YOU SAY IT.
- Your approach to a share & compare is everything.
Nothing sends teens running faster than a parent with a “woe is me” attitude. Starting a conversation with your teens by saying, “My life was harder than yours as a teen” will ensure they run away faster than the legendary thoroughbred horse Secretariat.
This will surely make them cringe if you ask, “Hey, ya want to hear what it was like when I was your age?” They will turn tail and run away again! I would too!
How TO share and Compare
it’s all in the approach.
Example:
First, you need a memory of a topic both you and your teen can relate to.
You notice your teen is working on a school project.
School projects are a relatable topic. We’ve all done them.
Approach your teen with positive yet cautionary vibes before you even open you mouth! Your intentions are good! You want to start a fun conversation. Don’t blow it!
Do NOT say this:
“I see you are working on a school project! I remember those. I had to flip through encyclopedias and other books for hours for projects, and you have the internet and now AI. I had it so much harder than you. Your generation has it so much easier.” …You blew it.
Say this:
“I see you are working on a school project! I was reading a little about AI, so I was wondering if you use AI in school and the Internet for projects. I remember having encyclopedias and other books, which I liked, but AI seems much more fun. What about AI interests you? Can you show me how it works?”
…And you did it!
You opened the door by a simple sharing and comparing of a relatable memory!
…From that simple memory of Encyclopedia to the use of AI, you started to create a more trusting relationship with your teen. Your goal was to strike up a relatable conversation without any judgment. It’s all in the approach! You genuinely tried to learn more about their world as you listened intently to current trends in their generation.
I BLEW IT!
I
Good intentions of POTs backfire without warning! I know this because I experienced a major backfire!
As a mom and teacher, I made a major mistake in this amazing share and compare memories idea with my own teens. I allowed my profession as a teacher to overshadow the purpose of the conversation. Instead of asking, “Hey, that project looks fun…” I went for their jugular!
I was so focused on their schoolwork that I started drilling them with questions about due dates, group members, rubrics, grades and the like. I ruined golden opportunities for fun conversations with my teens. Learn from my mistakes parents! Trust me. Meet them where they are and enjoy listening to them.
TIMING IS EVERYTHING – BE PRESENT
When do you invite share and compare conversations with your teen? They are never scheduled or forced conversations. They are like a pop-up shop. Opportunity appears, so you take it! This is where being present is so crucial as a POT
When you are present, you will notice the daily life happenings such as:
- school work
- hairstyle for the day
- outfit they are wearing wearing,
- hear the music they are playing
- a book they are reading,
- what they ordered for dinner
- sense their mood or expression on their face
- share a generational movie like Back to the Future and talk
If you are not present, you will miss these simple yet powerful opportunities to open the door to talk for fun!
EXAMPLE:
You notice a sci fi book on the kitchen table. You strike up a convo with your teen.
” I have never heard of this author, Everina Maxwell. The cover art is amazing. I wasn’t as much of a reader as a teen as you but cover art always caught my eye. Did the cover art for this book catch your eye? So what is this book about? Maybe I could try reading it after you to see if I even like sci fi.”
Share and compare can be joyful, funny, melancholy, and intimate. It can happen as one-on-one conversations or a group. They are meant to be relatively short and sweet but may turn into a deeper discussion if the stars are aligned just right! Take what you can get and enjoy.
At times it may seem one-sided. You share a teen memory, but they may be adrift and don’t feel like comparing. Give them their space. Never force this conversation. They will still remember your personal attention and appreciate it even if they never utter a word.
WITH EVERY SHARE & COMPARE CONVO YOUR CONNECTION GROWS
Every time you engage in the share and compare concept, your parenting ability will grow in these areas:
- Empathy
- Being present
- Making mistakes
- Open Mindedness
- Open Communication
- Respect for individuality
AND WHAT ABOUT TECHNOLOGY CHANGES?
The evolution of technology has moved at light speed but POTs, you had similar distractions as teens too. Video games, TV, and early mobile phones were a part of your teen distractions.
The landscape for your teens distractions still includes all of those but it has exponentially grown. Now teens have the smartphone, social media, internet, and AI . The constant access to information, social networks, and entertainment has impacted our teens’ attention spans and social interactions, but one thing has not changed:
Your teen wants to know more about you
So try it… share, compare, hug and love!
As Theodore Roosevelt said, “Nothing worth having comes easy.”
As Conni Rasmussen says, “sharing a relatable memory with your teen can be a fun way to connect. And it is priceless.”
Much love,
Conni, Founder of STL
Me in 8th grade.
Mouth full of braces and my date Mike.
The struggle bus was real!
