I know them.
Maybe you ARE them?
Who are “they?”
“They” are your neighbors and social media influencers that keep you chasing a dollar.
Envy is their middle name
They are ….The Joneses
Have you ever wondered where the old saying originated: “Keeping up with the Joneses”
It was born from a comic strip named Keeping Up with the Joneses.Created in 1913 by Arthur R.” Pop” Momand, it ran until 1940 in The New York World and other publications.
“Keeping up with the Joneses” has stood the test of time for over 100 years, reflecting our natural tendencies to compare our social status and material possessions to our neighbors.
Envy has been diluting our values into a form of materialistic lust long before the internet existed. For once we cannot blame it on the internet!
My grandmother called “keeping up with the Joneses” the green-eyed monster. A cross-stitched message in green thread hung on my grandmother dining room wall:
Honor God
Do not give in to envy and jealousy
Be happy with what you have
I remember her calling me and my cousins green-eyed monsters on several occasions as teens. She was right!
It was 1980 something – True story
As a teen I met the Joneses! I envied my peers wearing boot-cut, dark blue denim Levis jeans with yellow stitching to school. I thought if I wore them, Craig would ask me to the dance. We were not poor but I also knew our disposable income was limited but I asked mom for a pair despite the price.
On my 15th birthday my mom gave me those Levis I so envied. However, instead of being excited, I hated them because I knew how expensive they were. I felt so guilty knowing full well my other jeans were socially acceptable. My grandmother’s cross stitch had come back to haunt me. By the way, Craig never asked me out!
It was 2000 and something…
Going outside to play for my younger boys meant riding beater bikes, dragging used kayaks over the dunes to play the beach,and jumping into our inflatable INTEX backyard pool.
Clothes were a combo of hand-me-downs and new but no brand names. Family vacations were affordable and revolved around camping, water sports, and adventures outdoors.
And then everything changed…
It was 2015 something…
My teens met the Joneses. The Joneses were coming in hot for my teenagers alongside the magnification from social media.
The most annoying question
One consistent question was on repeat for years to come.
“Mom, why can’t we have ______like _______family?
I would answer that question many times, starting with: “I don’t care what Bobby’s family does because ______.”
Your values as a parent are embedded in how you answer this question. Explain your answer and avoid just saying “Because I said so.” They are not little kids anymore. Reason with them. Despite their eye rolls or frustration with your answer, they are listening.
Prepare for battle I told myself:
- Remember who we are as a family.
- Protect our values!
How I dealt with a few of the major dreaded Joneses issues – True Stories
Smartphones
By age 13, a smartphone was a “must have” in their green-eyed monster mode because everyone else had one. It was a solid NO from me. I felt so strongly about this decision that even the Joneses could not make me second guess my values.
Solution: My teens had a pre-paid flip phone to call and text for safety reasons until they turned 18. The Smartphone was given to them at 18 wrapped with a bow on top.
Family value: the slow release of childhood and adolescence without social media interfering.
Teen Toys
Living in a beach town, my oldest son I swear has fins and gills he loved the water so much. As a teen he envied his friends with their large boats and jet skis. He asked the annoying question, “Why can’t we have a jet ski like Tom’s family?”
Solution: I said, “save your money and buy a boat for yourself.” That’s precisely what he did. At 15, he purchased a used 16-foot Jon Boat with an old motor. We never said he couldn’t have a boat; we just weren’t going to buy one. He still uses it today years later.
Family value: the difference between wants and needs
Gaming
Our youngest son wanted an Xbox. I was worried about the content and the amount of time he’d spend in front of a screen. Then it came..“All of the other kids have an Xbox, Mom. I want one too.” I didn’t want to keep up with the Joneses, but was not against gaming with rules of course.
Solution: I compromised. I told him, “If you want an Xbox, find work and buy one for yourself.” He did. Refurbished and affordable.
Family value: the value of a hard earned dollar
Family vacas
We prioritized outdoor adventures over luxury items for vacations as a family. We would offer the allure of cities and theme parks as a choice but they had no interest. Our memories of misty mornings from the tents windows are priceless.
Solution: There was nothing to solve. Outdoor experiences are a way of life for us. Even now, in their 20’s the boys still go on outdoor adventures .
Family value: the benefits of nature and family time outdoors
Clothing
My teens never asked for them. I caved to the Joneses. Embarrassing but true. I bought popular surf brand clothes for my teenagers, even though they never asked for them. I bought brand names because I wanted to fit in socially with the parents. Clearly the Joneses won this battle.
Solution: Reflecting : I was so stupid. The money I could have saved! My teens really did not care. Learn from my mistakes. Ignore the Joneses.
Family value: being happy with who you are as a parent . I strayed far from that value!
Core values highlight what we as individuals stand for. It’s our standards of behavior and judgment as to what is important in life.
What values do you want to instill in your teens from the list below?
List them in order from most important to least important.
- Family
- Health
- Nature
- Money
- Religion
- Discipline
- Education
- Responsibility
- Communication
- Positive Relationships
- Live your values
- Live within your means
- Unfollow materialistic influencers
- Find friends who like you for you
- Realize Self-worth is not possessions
- Focus on doing what makes you happy
- Realize there is no such thing as a perfect family
- STOP CARING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK
Unfortunately, falling into this trap of envy can make you feel downright inadequate, possibly break your bank and make you question your values. Parenting is hard enough with good friends supporting you ; forget the Joneses!
You got this… and sometimes you won’t. You will make mistakes parenting.
Remind yourself that as a parent, you ARE human too!
It’s natural to compare and compete. It’s human nature.
Before you compete with others, consider making a cross stitch with this modern day question to hang on the dining room wall using green thread:
“Should I sacrifice my financial security and values to keep up with others’ highlight reels?”
Best song ever about the Joneses…